Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Never Satisfied
I've got a pretty ok job that I can't stand. It's ok in the fact that I can take care of my needs and maintain a good lifestyle, I just can't stand it because it's not what I want to do. So I decide after five years of just working, to go back to school. But low and behold, I hate school. I despise homework, the reading is horribly boring (for most of my courses), and I'm just not used to this anymore. This seems to be a pattern for me. I want it, I go get it, then I don't want it anymore. So now what happens? I go to college spend all this money and time to get the degree I want, so I can get the job I want and after the shower of blessings, I don't want it anymore. Is this what life is like on the wheel? Constantly reliving the cycle no matter what cage you're in? Is it determination, drive, lack of maturity or just never being satisfied? No matter what the case, when is enough enough?
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2 comments:
I know what you mean-In my twenties I used to go after jobs with a relentless determination, and then when I got 'em, I could have cared less. Obviously, it was more about the process-the pursuit, the interviewing. Kind of like being a game-show contestant. I don't think there's anything neccesarily wrong with being restless and unsatisfied.
Sometimes it takes what feels like forever to figure out what makes us happy. Don't just settle for some poopie situation and force yourself into pretending it's OK, because it looks like a better gig than some other unfortunate clown has and you don't want to appear ungrateful. It's your life- and it's important. :) Keep writing, too. It's a great way to unravel some of these mysteries.
Life is hard. Sometimes you do things because you must, not because they're fun. It's called being an adult ;-) Since you've made a commitment to yourself you have to see it through. Homework may suck, but is it any worse than going to a job you loathe?
School can be used for good and not evil. For a while I hated school, but I hated not having the freedom to do what I wanted with my life more, and decided that finishing undergrad was the lesser of two evils.
Find something in the course catalogue that interests you and take the class. You may discover a subject you really enjoy, and your outlook on what school is may change.
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