I'm Learning

I had my son and we spent a good 3 years and some change together. Just the two of us. I got pregnant with my daughter and I think my biggest fear was how I was going to love somebody else. My son is my friend. We share laughs, have good conversations and he's just cool to be around. I almost felt bad for the new baby cuz I couldn't figure out how I could love anyone else as much as I already love him. I didn't want this poor baby to spend her life in his shadow. Never being as good as him in my mind because she wasn't him. Even after she came, I found myself spending more time with him than the baby. I noticed the pattern and started trying to divide my time as evenly as possible. AS I spent more time with the baby I got to know her. She has her own personality. She's funny and cute and smart and aware. She's not at all like my son, but in so many ways she's exactly like him. The more I get to know her the more I love her. I'm learning to love her. I'm learning who she is. We're beginning to fit together. Not just she and I, but my son as well. She didn't just fit into the mix of what my son and I already had, she recreated our family. Here I was thinking another baby would mess things up, and she came and made it better. I love them equally but differenly, but finally I learned to love them both. I'm working out how to deal with them everyday. One is a few years older than the other so I can't treat them exactly the same but I can love them that way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I'm learning that too.